Another year down...well almost!

Sorry I've been missing the last few weeks. Life has been CRAZY! Between taking exams, trying to hang out with friends before they depart for the summer, and trying to figure out classes and a job for the summer, I have had little time to update my dear little blog. Well I'm hoping I will have a little more time to blog now that summer is here. That's right...SUMMER IS HERE!!! There's only one little problem...

See all those cars in the dorm parking lot? No? Exactly. There are exactly four cars parked outside right now. Today was graduation and everyone in their right mind was out of here by 3 p.m. sharp. Unfortunately I have a summer block class so I have to stay here until Friday. As if this place wasn't empty enough 7 hours ago...it has since turned into a ghost town. BUT...I am determined to make this week fun. I have a few friends taking the class with me and tomorrow I get to move out of the dorm and into a friend's house here on campus, so that will make things a little more pleasant. As far as summer plans go I have no idea what I'm doing. I've had a few interviews that came up empty and I have another one next week which seems a little more hopeful! Cross your fingers and say a few prayers that it goes well!

Well in other news, tonight is my last night with my dear room mate, Leah. My other two room mates already left for home and I miss them dearly! All three of them have been amazing and we got really close this year. They have helped me grow as a person so much and my love and desire to live for God has grown beyond belief because of the impact these ladies have made on me.

I wish I could sum up everything I have learned this year at school. It has been the most challenging, rewarding, growing process of my life thus far. I have had to face heart ache and pain, but I have learned so many things through it that the pain has dimmed so much I hardly notice it anymore. God has brought numerous new friends into my life and He continues to draw me closer to Him. Looking back to September when this year first started and comparing it to where I am right now...it blows my mind. I can't believe in just one short year I'm going to be graduating. I hope throughout this next year I continue learning and growing and becoming the kind of person God intended for me to be. Life continues to be one huge chaotic adventure, but I would never quit this adventure for anything. This life I've been given is a beautiful thing and for that I am thankful.

Wish me luck surviving summer school this week. (I'm starting to remember why I always pitied the kids who had to take summer school back in elementary.) Love to all and have a great night! =)

feet ready, heartbeat steady, eyes open.

This song has been stuck in my head all afternoon. It might be the result of listening to the Hunger Games soundtrack a few times, or it might be because I really like the meaning of it...unlike many of the other brainless tunes that get stuck in my head. Walking around earlier today I was thinking about all the people watching my every move; how easy it is to get a reputation, either good or bad. Sometimes it's like they are just waiting to see what I will do next; waiting to take advantage of any opportunity to attack. But today...I don't know, I guess for the first time in a long time I was able to hold my head high and look straight ahead without feeling that way. I'm starting to use my scars to my benefit rather than my downfall. "Every lesson forms a new scar" after all. Always be ready for those unexpected attacks, but don't let the fear keep you from living. "You've got something they don't." Use your scars, your knowledge, your passion, your joy...everything you have...take it and use it.

Everybody's waiting

Everybody's watching

Even when you're sleeping

Keep your eyes open

The tricky thing

Is yesterday we were just children

Playing soldiers

Just pretending

Dreaming dreams with happy endings

In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords

But now we've stepped into a cruel world

Where everybody stands and keeps score

Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown

Everybody's watching to see the fallout

Even when you're sleeping

Keep your eyes open

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard

Every lesson forms a new scar

They never thought you'd make it this far

But turn around, oh they've surrounded you

It's a showdown and nobody comes to save you now

But you've got something they don't

Yeah you've got something they don't

You've just gotta keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown

Everybody's watching to see the fallout

Even when you're sleeping, sleeping

Keep your eyes open

Keep your feet ready

Heartbeat steady

Keep your eyes open

Keep your aim locked

The night goes dark

Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown

Everybody's watching to see the fallout

Even when you're sleeping

Keep your eyes open

Thank you for the insight, Taylor Swift. =P Hope everyone is having a great start to the week! Remember...keep your eyes open and be ready to use that "something" special that only YOU have when things start to get rocky! Peace out!

at least the worms got to come out and play.

Sunday was an awesome day. I was warm, stole my favorite hummingbird necklace from my roomie, hung out with tons of babies at church who were so cute all I wanted to do was squoosh their chubby faces , and then came back onto campus and drank tea all afternoon while doing homework nothing.

                                 

I went to bed with confidence in Monday. Well...this Monday decided to be a moody one. I woke up to find that it was humid, wet, and warm. I don't mind a little rain and I love warmth, so I was content. A cute skirt and sandals seemed like the perfect outfit choice.

(If only my roomies hadn't been sleeping, you maybe could have seen my head...)

I skipped off to Greek class. {Yes, I take Greek. They promise us that it is worth our time as counseling majors to learn it. At least my teacher is my brother's best friend and he lets us sing fun songs during class.} I carefully watched my steps...err, skips...as to not step on any of the worms who came out to play. The morning was easy, one of my teachers gave us candy, and then it was finally time for lunch. It was then that I was reminded how extremely bi-polar Wisconsin is! You would've sworn there was a tornado coming with how fast the wind was coming at me! First time I wore a skirt this spring...not to mention that it was the flowiest one I own...bad choice. {I apologize to anyone I may have flashed. hahaha} It went from 50 to 30 degrees in a matter of two hours!!! Anyways, I went to lunch and took two fortune cookies...I was feeling like some wisdom was in need. Here is what I got...

Umm...okay. Discovering truth is always good...but the number nine? I swear...who do they hire to make up these fortunes? And do they really get paid to do it? Anyways... after it started SNOWING an hour later I decided I would spend the remainder of the day snuggled in a blanket and avoiding stupid Wisconsin weather. We had an intramural basketball game at 9:30...seriously I don't know who scheduled that game...but if I find out I will need to have a word with them. No one should have to play basketball that late. Our team is called "Barbie Ballers." I'm on the kind of team that gets motivated by promises of ice cream if we win. Oh, and we all get to wear pink...which makes me SUPER happy. Unfortunately, we didn't win and therefore no ice cream for this girl. I am ready to crawl back under my blanket and get some serious zzzzzzzzz's. This Monday was gross and moody and unusually non eventful.

At least the worms got to come out and play.

(and don't worry, I won't mention how they were all dead by the time everyone trampled them on their way to class.)

Get some rest everyone! Moody Monday is officially OVER and Tuesday is coming!!! Goodnight!

who I am.

Life has been going non-stop...and I wouldn't have it any other way. Every day seems to bring something new. New lessons, new memories, new knowledge, new discoveries. Lately, I've been discovering a little bit more of who I am. Now before I continue, let me just say...I had to discover something else before I came to this new self discovery. I've discovered what it is God wants for me...what He wants from me. I go around every day and notice all the  different people. There's the guy who just lost everything, the girl who is scared of being alone, the couples that seem to have it all together, the ones who have faith in God to provide, the ones who try to make it through life on their own. Everyone is at a different place in life and everyone handles things differently. This got me thinking...where am I in life? Where has it taken me and where will I go?

I can still remember that girl who craved nothing more than to be noticed...to feel wanted. She said she loved God, but she hardly lived it out. Sure, she was a good girl who always followed the rules, but beyond that her faith was mediocre. She only prayed when she wanted something. She let others and circumstances affect her day by day walk more than her God. When she felt she could love freely and be loved in return, nothing could bring her down. But when love seemed harder to find, she was at a loss. Where would she find her purpose? her acceptance? her rock? She then remembered where she could go. The only place that seemed right was into the arms of her Father. At first, it was just another place to run...

It has taken me until recently to see that God is not just another place to run away to in order to quench my selfish motives. He's not like other people who you can run to, get a few words of advice, but then find that your time is up and you have to run to the next person. He's not like worldly addictions that promise happy endings but always without fail turn up empty. He's not just a temporary relief from the weights of this world. No. God is the ultimate escape, hiding place, refuge. He wants me to run to Him. But not after I've run to everyone and everything else first. He wants me to run to Him because He is my purpose and my rock, not run to Him so I can feel better and then move on to the next thing. How often do I use God for my own benefit?

I do not serve a God who is to be tossed around and used only when convenient for me. Here is my new discovery. God is the most constant being ever to exist. He is constant in every aspect including my life. He controls every breath I take, every step I take, everything that happens to me. I find myself tossing God around, when really He can never be moved. I've doubted God's plan so many times and now I just laugh at how crazy that sounds. God is faithful and even though we are all at different places in life, He is at constant work in all of us. Today I'm discovering who I am...but not only that...I'm discovering who I am in God.

I am God's precious child, and no matter how much I try to pull Him around, He has such a tight grip on me there is no way that little old me will ever in a million years change His course. So today I choose to just go with the flow. As long as I'm doing what God asks of me and making wise choices, there is no way that God will ever let me out of His sight.

Called to Love.

Love is a teacher.

As do a lot of teachers, sometimes it fails you, but that doesn't mean it's giving up on you.

If love fails you, it works hard to show you that even when love breaks, you can pick up the pieces and put them together. Putting together the pieces can be exhausting, painful, and time-consuming...but once you figure out the puzzle you can look in the mirror and see how much stronger it has made you.

After this, you have two choices.

1) Stop loving, in fear that you will have to go through the process of picking up more broken pieces.

2) Use your new strength to love even more abundantly.

In case you weren't sure...the answer God wants us to choose is always the second one. This can be a hard choice to make. In order to do this you have to be vulnerable. You have to learn to be a risk taker. But you have to remember...we are CALLED TO LOVE.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." John 13:34

I have been using the past week to really focus on what it means to be called to love. A week ago today I was sitting two feet from the stage at the "Called to Love" tour with Aaron Shust, Jason Gray, and Downhere. Listening to all the artists talk about what it means to love was so convicting for me. Loving is no simple matter. Love means getting out of your comfort zone. It means putting aside your selfishness to love others even when you don't feel up to it. It means loving even when there's always a chance of being let down.

Throughout the week I started to get blind sighted. It was the first week back from spring break and I was tired. Loving was starting to look like more of a challenge. God obviously wasn't done teaching me to love because not long after my realization of my crappy attitude He brought Philippians 1:9 to my attention...

"I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding."

One of those "ok God, I'm listening" moments.

Love is HARD. I never realized it before. I used to think love was easy. But the true test of love is loving when the other person is being hard to love. When your family is driving you crazy...do you shut them out or show them even more love and kindness? When friends don't want to listen...do you give up or keep being a good friend? When that stranger in the other car cuts you off, do you get mad or keep your cool?

It's every day stuff people. God gives us a million chances to  exercise our love. Take advantage of every opportunity....love needs all the practice it can get! Making your love stronger takes a lot of work and energy...but it will be worth it in the end. And truth is...you are called by God to love...so we have to keep working at it! Maybe we can't love with the same capacity as God...but hey, who says we can't try?

embrace today.

What happens in our yesterdays never lasts forever. Even in the instances where maybe our yesterdays do have lasting effects, our yesterdays change and grow into something more. Something better. Something called today. Everyone wishes at one point or another for a do-over. A chance to change what could have been, what should have been. Maybe you can't take back your yesterdays...but why on earth would you want to? Sure, maybe you made some poor choices. Maybe you have to pay a daily price for those choices. But if it weren't for all those yesterdays, you wouldn't have half the benefits of today.

The pains of yesterday eventually fade into today's healing.

The mistakes of yesterday eventually fade into today's wisdom.

The shame of yesterday eventually fade into today's forgiveness.

The regrets of yesterday eventually fade into today's lessons learned.

You can't re-do any of your yesterdays, but you can take advantage of today. You can walk backwards for as long as you want but it will get you nowhere except for an already traveled road. Accept yesterday for what it is and take advantage of today before it too becomes a yesterday. Instead of wishing for a do-over, use that time to think about what those regrets are, and then what actions you can take right now to make today different.

Yesterday might hold a million regrets, but it also holds a million lessons learned...

a million reasons to go into tomorrow stronger, wiser, and braver!

{.mysteries.}

I've always loved mysteries.

I find that the greatest mystery is that of tomorrow.

     I mean really...how many things happened to you today that you had no idea were going to happen?

          Yep...probably about one hundred.

Its like when I watch a suspenseful movie.

     You sit there on the edge of your seat with your hands gripped tightly together.

         It's a love/hate type thing.

             I always want to know what's going to happen, yet it's so much fun not knowing and being surprised!

Sometimes in life I just wish I knew what in the world was going on!

     Who? What? Why? When? Where? HOW???

But then I remember.

     God has my life in control. There's no need to worry. So why not just enjoy not knowing for a while?

          The suspense of the unknown is kinda exciting.

               And the possibilities of where life could take me are limitless!

Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and remember...

      Tomorrow may be a mystery to us...but it is never a mystery to our God!

Most reassuring thing EVER.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11