Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The truth of it is...

I have a major case of Senioritis. Graduation, please come soon.

I miss the warmth and the sunshine and the beach and flip flops.

I got a package today from my Grandpa that I can't open until Easter. It's hiding under my bed and the temptation of opening it is killing me...mostly because I'm sure it's full of candy.

I really really miss some dear friends of mine. So many of them are either back home, graduated early, or transferred schools. Growing up and moving separate ways shouldn't be legal.

I need to stop watching so many scary/suspenseful shows. I can't tell you how many nightmares I've had recently about being chased by zombies, the Grayson's plotting my death, or "A" causing me some sort of chaos.

It is ten times easier for me to sleep during the day than it is at night. Naps are never an issue...going to bed at a decent time at night never happens. Seriously. It's after midnight and I'm sitting here blogging and eating chocolate animal crackers.

I am super excited about watching American Idol tomorrow while eating a pan of warm brownies. It's the small pathetic things in life, people.

Today was a good day. I was feeling a little discouraged, but I have been surrounded by so many great people today that things turned out fine. A genuine smile and kind word can honestly make such a difference!

Saturday, March 23, 2013


You're not worth anything.
Physical beauty matters more than inner beauty.
You can't be forgiven.
The way you feel must be true.
God doesn't love you.

Do you believe any of these things? If your answer is yes...STOP! ...because they are all LIES.

I have gone believing these lies for way too long. The thing is, I still find myself being deceived into thinking these things are true. It's a daily battle for me to believe what is real truth. I have to confess, I struggle daily with insecurities...more than people might realize. I let what other people think and say define me. I know, I know...letting other people define you is one of the dumbest choices we can make...but for some reason (the mere fact that I'm human) I still let it affect me.

When these lies began to engrave themselves into my heart, I found myself running from God. Instead of realizing that I was being fooled into believing these false emotions, I decided to hide--from God and from everyone else. I was ashamed of this image I had of myself. When I looked in the mirror I saw scars. Scars telling me I was unlovable and worthless. Did I know how false my thinking was? Yes...but not really. My head knew the truth but my heart didn't.

My insecurities took me on quite a journey. One that took me from my all time low to an indescribable feeling of freedom in Christ. It took me a while, but through God's grace I eventually realized something.

God loves me. Like, He really really loves me. It's not the kind of love where you say you love a person but half the time you don't even like them. It's a love that is never changing and never ending. I thought God wanted nothing to do with I had nothing to do with Him. That was the WORST thing I could have done. God doesn't just want me when I feel like I deserve Him. He wants me all the time no matter how I feel. The truth is I am worthless on my own. It is only by God's grace that I'm able to do anything good. The song "Every Good Thing" by The Afters comes to mind. It says, "You're the reason for every good thing...There will be days that give me more than I can take but I know that You always make beauty from my heartache."

God deserves all of me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. He simply just wants a heart willing to love Him, serve Him, and learn from Him. It's a win-win situation, really. God gets every. single. piece. of me; and I get the freedom of knowing that these lies are just that...lies...and never again will I let them blind me.