Monday, April 23, 2012

feet ready, heartbeat steady, eyes open.

This song has been stuck in my head all afternoon. It might be the result of listening to the Hunger Games soundtrack a few times, or it might be because I really like the meaning of it...unlike many of the other brainless tunes that get stuck in my head. Walking around earlier today I was thinking about all the people watching my every move; how easy it is to get a reputation, either good or bad. Sometimes it's like they are just waiting to see what I will do next; waiting to take advantage of any opportunity to attack. But today...I don't know, I guess for the first time in a long time I was able to hold my head high and look straight ahead without feeling that way. I'm starting to use my scars to my benefit rather than my downfall. "Every lesson forms a new scar" after all. Always be ready for those unexpected attacks, but don't let the fear keep you from living. "You've got something they don't." Use your scars, your knowledge, your passion, your joy...everything you have...take it and use it.

Everybody's waiting
Everybody's watching
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your eyes open

The tricky thing
Is yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers
Just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands and keeps score

Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your eyes open

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard
Every lesson forms a new scar
They never thought you'd make it this far
But turn around, oh they've surrounded you
It's a showdown and nobody comes to save you now
But you've got something they don't
Yeah you've got something they don't
You've just gotta keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open

Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
Keep your aim locked
The night goes dark
Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping

Keep your eyes open

Thank you for the insight, Taylor Swift. =P Hope everyone is having a great start to the week! Remember...keep your eyes open and be ready to use that "something" special that only YOU have when things start to get rocky! Peace out!

Monday, April 16, 2012

at least the worms got to come out and play.

Sunday was an awesome day. I was warm, stole my favorite hummingbird necklace from my roomie, hung out with tons of babies at church who were so cute all I wanted to do was squoosh their chubby faces , and then came back onto campus and drank tea all afternoon while doing homework nothing.

I went to bed with confidence in Monday. Well...this Monday decided to be a moody one. I woke up to find that it was humid, wet, and warm. I don't mind a little rain and I love warmth, so I was content. A cute skirt and sandals seemed like the perfect outfit choice.

(If only my roomies hadn't been sleeping, you maybe could have seen my head...)

I skipped off to Greek class. {Yes, I take Greek. They promise us that it is worth our time as counseling majors to learn it. At least my teacher is my brother's best friend and he lets us sing fun songs during class.} I carefully watched my steps...err, to not step on any of the worms who came out to play. The morning was easy, one of my teachers gave us candy, and then it was finally time for lunch. It was then that I was reminded how extremely bi-polar Wisconsin is! You would've sworn there was a tornado coming with how fast the wind was coming at me! First time I wore a skirt this spring...not to mention that it was the flowiest one I own...bad choice. {I apologize to anyone I may have flashed. hahaha} It went from 50 to 30 degrees in a matter of two hours!!! Anyways, I went to lunch and took two fortune cookies...I was feeling like some wisdom was in need. Here is what I got...

Umm...okay. Discovering truth is always good...but the number nine? I swear...who do they hire to make up these fortunes? And do they really get paid to do it? Anyways... after it started SNOWING an hour later I decided I would spend the remainder of the day snuggled in a blanket and avoiding stupid Wisconsin weather. We had an intramural basketball game at 9:30...seriously I don't know who scheduled that game...but if I find out I will need to have a word with them. No one should have to play basketball that late. Our team is called "Barbie Ballers." I'm on the kind of team that gets motivated by promises of ice cream if we win. Oh, and we all get to wear pink...which makes me SUPER happy. Unfortunately, we didn't win and therefore no ice cream for this girl. I am ready to crawl back under my blanket and get some serious zzzzzzzzz's. This Monday was gross and moody and unusually non eventful.

At least the worms got to come out and play.

(and don't worry, I won't mention how they were all dead by the time everyone trampled them on their way to class.)

Get some rest everyone! Moody Monday is officially OVER and Tuesday is coming!!! Goodnight!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

who I am.

Life has been going non-stop...and I wouldn't have it any other way. Every day seems to bring something new. New lessons, new memories, new knowledge, new discoveries. Lately, I've been discovering a little bit more of who I am. Now before I continue, let me just say...I had to discover something else before I came to this new self discovery. I've discovered what it is God wants for me...what He wants from me. I go around every day and notice all the  different people. There's the guy who just lost everything, the girl who is scared of being alone, the couples that seem to have it all together, the ones who have faith in God to provide, the ones who try to make it through life on their own. Everyone is at a different place in life and everyone handles things differently. This got me thinking...where am I in life? Where has it taken me and where will I go?

I can still remember that girl who craved nothing more than to be feel wanted. She said she loved God, but she hardly lived it out. Sure, she was a good girl who always followed the rules, but beyond that her faith was mediocre. She only prayed when she wanted something. She let others and circumstances affect her day by day walk more than her God. When she felt she could love freely and be loved in return, nothing could bring her down. But when love seemed harder to find, she was at a loss. Where would she find her purpose? her acceptance? her rock? She then remembered where she could go. The only place that seemed right was into the arms of her Father. At first, it was just another place to run...

It has taken me until recently to see that God is not just another place to run away to in order to quench my selfish motives. He's not like other people who you can run to, get a few words of advice, but then find that your time is up and you have to run to the next person. He's not like worldly addictions that promise happy endings but always without fail turn up empty. He's not just a temporary relief from the weights of this world. No. God is the ultimate escape, hiding place, refuge. He wants me to run to Him. But not after I've run to everyone and everything else first. He wants me to run to Him because He is my purpose and my rock, not run to Him so I can feel better and then move on to the next thing. How often do I use God for my own benefit?

I do not serve a God who is to be tossed around and used only when convenient for me. Here is my new discovery. God is the most constant being ever to exist. He is constant in every aspect including my life. He controls every breath I take, every step I take, everything that happens to me. I find myself tossing God around, when really He can never be moved. I've doubted God's plan so many times and now I just laugh at how crazy that sounds. God is faithful and even though we are all at different places in life, He is at constant work in all of us. Today I'm discovering who I am...but not only that...I'm discovering who I am in God.

I am God's precious child, and no matter how much I try to pull Him around, He has such a tight grip on me there is no way that little old me will ever in a million years change His course. So today I choose to just go with the flow. As long as I'm doing what God asks of me and making wise choices, there is no way that God will ever let me out of His sight.