who I am.

Life has been going non-stop...and I wouldn't have it any other way. Every day seems to bring something new. New lessons, new memories, new knowledge, new discoveries. Lately, I've been discovering a little bit more of who I am. Now before I continue, let me just say...I had to discover something else before I came to this new self discovery. I've discovered what it is God wants for me...what He wants from me. I go around every day and notice all the  different people. There's the guy who just lost everything, the girl who is scared of being alone, the couples that seem to have it all together, the ones who have faith in God to provide, the ones who try to make it through life on their own. Everyone is at a different place in life and everyone handles things differently. This got me thinking...where am I in life? Where has it taken me and where will I go?

I can still remember that girl who craved nothing more than to be noticed...to feel wanted. She said she loved God, but she hardly lived it out. Sure, she was a good girl who always followed the rules, but beyond that her faith was mediocre. She only prayed when she wanted something. She let others and circumstances affect her day by day walk more than her God. When she felt she could love freely and be loved in return, nothing could bring her down. But when love seemed harder to find, she was at a loss. Where would she find her purpose? her acceptance? her rock? She then remembered where she could go. The only place that seemed right was into the arms of her Father. At first, it was just another place to run...

It has taken me until recently to see that God is not just another place to run away to in order to quench my selfish motives. He's not like other people who you can run to, get a few words of advice, but then find that your time is up and you have to run to the next person. He's not like worldly addictions that promise happy endings but always without fail turn up empty. He's not just a temporary relief from the weights of this world. No. God is the ultimate escape, hiding place, refuge. He wants me to run to Him. But not after I've run to everyone and everything else first. He wants me to run to Him because He is my purpose and my rock, not run to Him so I can feel better and then move on to the next thing. How often do I use God for my own benefit?

I do not serve a God who is to be tossed around and used only when convenient for me. Here is my new discovery. God is the most constant being ever to exist. He is constant in every aspect including my life. He controls every breath I take, every step I take, everything that happens to me. I find myself tossing God around, when really He can never be moved. I've doubted God's plan so many times and now I just laugh at how crazy that sounds. God is faithful and even though we are all at different places in life, He is at constant work in all of us. Today I'm discovering who I am...but not only that...I'm discovering who I am in God.

I am God's precious child, and no matter how much I try to pull Him around, He has such a tight grip on me there is no way that little old me will ever in a million years change His course. So today I choose to just go with the flow. As long as I'm doing what God asks of me and making wise choices, there is no way that God will ever let me out of His sight.