...still learning...

Happy Halloween everyone! =P I've been trying to blog for the past couple weeks, but nothing I've wrote in that time seemed to be right. God has been doing so much in my life lately that I've been having a hard time trying to figure out how to put it all into words. I don't think I will ever be able to sum it all up in a single blog, but today I'm here to say this...

I am ready to stop fighting. Fighting God, fighting people, fighting life. It's time let go of control.

~I'm learning to surrender my life to God.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

~I'm learning to be a better friend.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him out. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

Ecclesiastes 4:10

~I'm learning to love even when its hard.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."  1 John 4:18

~I'm learning to rejoice always.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." Philippians 4::8

~I'm learning to always forgive.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

~I'm learning to laugh more.

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

~I'm learning to trust God...for real.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

~I'm learning to put others needs before my own.

"...Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than this..." Mark 12:31

These are only a few of the many things I'm learning. Present tense---learning. It's a daily process, but I'm trying and God has been faithful so far and I know He always will be!

God bless. =)

{.to love is to be vulnerable.}

I have been focusing on this thought all day. It's so applicable to what I've been dealing with. This blog is going to be very honest, so bear with me! I've been fighting bitterness this past week. I've been hurt and instead of letting the hurt go, I've been trying to fix things. The more I've tried to fix things, the worse situations got. The hurt in my heart has become so deep that I'm ashamed to admit it, but I began to shut people out. I was so scared of getting hurt again I figured the safest thing to do was to just stop caring about anyone. And for those of you who don't know me, that's not like me at all. I usually love making new friends and being there for them. I didn't realize how deep this bitterness was cutting until the other day as I was talking to my mom. I actually said to her that I didn't want any new friends. I didn't want to get close to anyone else because I have learned that even the nicest people end up hurting you in the end. Can you say pessimist to the max?! ahh I'm ashamed to even admit those words came out of my mouth. God commands me to love others as He loves, and here I am shutting out everyone around me because I'm afraid of getting hurt. All week I've been trying to figure out how to make things right. Well today I came across this thought from C.S.  Lewis. He is describing exactly what I've been doing...locking up my heart so no one dares break it. But then he says that even thought locking up my heart will keep it from being broken, it will change me in a different way. I'm not sure I want my heart to become "impenetrable" or "irredeemable." A friend told me once that I can't allow what others do to me steal away my sweetness. I don't want a heart of stone.God calls us to love as He loves. How many times have I broken God's heart? Too many to count. As long as God loves me with that amazing selfless love, I will strive to love others the same. God doesn't call us to love in order to get anything in return, but to love selflessly. People will always fail us...that's to be expected. But I refuse to stop loving because of my own selfishness. If friendships don't work out, then I will choose to give it to the Lord. But I promise as a friend that I will always be there for those I care about. Whether you choose to be a decent friend and be there for me or not is your choice. But this bitterness and selfishness in my heart will not remain and will no longer control me! "To love is to be vulnerable." I have to go out there and take the risk of loving. No matter what the outcome might be! God commands it!


Ok, maybe now I will be able to focus and get some studying done. Love you all and God bless. =)

{.JOY.}

Where is your joy found? I have been dwelling on this question for the past few days. I have found great encouragement in searching God's Word. One of the passages I've been reading over and over is Philippians 4.

In verses four though nine it speaks of being full of joy. It says how we are not to worry, how we are to take all things to God in prayer, think on things which are worthy of praise and then put all these things into practice. It is only then that we are able to experience the amazing, indescribable peace of God. I think I read this over at least a million and two times today. Lately I've been really trying to keep my joy dependent on God alone. I was praying to God asking Him to point me in the right direction and I think this passage was the direction He was pointing. =) It was a much needed reminder that true joy can only be found in the peace of God and the peace of God can only be found in keeping Him first and seeking to serve Him, love Him, and obey Him more and more each day. 

No matter the situation, no matter the circumstance, no matter what...we can always find peace and joy in our heavenly Father when we are living according to Him...and for that reason, this smile will be on my face for awhile. =)

GOD BLESS and have a great week! Monday is just about over! =)

{.Letting Go.}

No matter how much you struggle against the wind,

a time will come when you have to learn to let go.

Sometimes its hard letting go of something

that's become a part of you.

But that's how seasons go.

Change has to happen in order to

keep things moving,

keep things growing.

The seasons WILL change.

There's no stopping it.

Let go and open your eyes to

the beauty that lies ahead...

(.scatterbrained.)

I feel like there are a million things I want to say, but the words won't come. Or rather I know the words, but I feel like they are safer kept in the confines of my mind. I've heard it said it's better to say too much than never say what you need to say. I'm not sure how I feel about that statement. I mean honestly...how do you know when it's better to speak up and when it's better to keep silent? You don't want to miss an opportunity, but you don't want to destroy it either. And sometimes it's not even in your hands to decide.

I'm feeling a little numb and scatterbrained today, but there is one thing I do know...God is definitely teaching me patience. Every minute of every day.