beautiful chaos.

Life consists of extraordinary chaos. On the surface, chaos appears as a dirty film that we desperately try to wipe away from our safe little lives. We seek a way out of the confusion, the busyness, and the uncertainty. Panic enters into the depths of our hearts and we soon begin to slip into a blurry abyss of confusion.

We find chaos around every corner. Life is a continuous merry-go-round heavy with shifting plans and perplexing decisions. Security drifts into something of the past and a mandatory vulnerability takes its place. 

Something I have learned--and continue to learn--each and every day I am privileged to experience, is to find beauty in the chaos. Beautiful chaos is something that has always captivated me. Rainy afternoons compel me to do nothing short of letting my hair down and dancing barefoot in the misty air. I could look at the pouring rain and sloppy puddles and let the chaos overpower me, but instead I choose to embrace the chaos. I am in constant pursuit of turning chaos into something beautiful.

Sometimes this pursuit puts a guilty weight on my shoulders. I feel like when the world is hurting, I should hide away and give in to the chaos--almost as if shedding a smile would prove myself insensitive and inconsiderate. I have decided that if chaos cannot be avoided, it might as well be transformed into something lovely and beautiful. Chaos might be a dirty film that overtakes our peace and quiet, but under the mire is something so unbelievably wonderful. I am determined this is true.

I'm not trying to state that chaos doesn't hurt. Life throws curve balls. Even when the chaos is expected--like the fact that I am graduating in a week and I have to make some life changing decisions--it takes a toll on you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It is okay to hurt and it is okay to wrap yourself up in your giant blankets and plushy pillows and tune out the world for a few moments. I am simply trying to say that there is always always always something beautiful in the works. We might not see it through the dusty mire, but it's there--we just have to discover it. The hope, the bigger picture that is coming, the blessings surrounding the present situations--it's all right there.

We can let the chaos bury us or we can shed some light on it and discover the beauty that is sure to follow.

I choose beauty.